Monday, August 30, 2010

personal hygiene.

The main reason of doing these blogs is to promote the comic strip and the other is to track the events of my every day life for future story lines and ideas. But sometimes life is a little boring. The most exciting thing that happened this weekend was that my wife went out to buy me some nose hair clippers. I must agree I did need them. As I get older, I seem to be losing more hair from my head and have it grow from other places I didn’t know hair was supposed to grow. Thank you to the little kids who like to point this out very boldly and proudly in front of other people. It was pretty bad, the rain forest may be disappearing, but it’s reappearing in my nose. I was a little self conscious about it. It felt like people would not look me in the eyes to talk, but stare at my nose as if the hair sticking out of it was waving hello at them.

Like I said, nothing exciting to really report this time, though it was nice to have my wife run out a buy me some nose hair clippers. They are little scissors, I’m afraid to use the electronic ones. I think those might hurt or go crazy and get tangled in my nose and I end up with the strange device stuck up there. I would have been too embarrassed to buy them myself and have the checkout person stare at me the whole time. My wife was worried that people may think the clippers were for her, but I ensured her that would not be the case. I guess that is one of those things growing older together is all about. Doing something for the other person no matter how embarrassing it may be. My wife asked me if I would do something embarrassing for her if I had to, like buy one of her feminine hygiene products. I luv ya babe, but some things just are not going to happen, and should never be asked of a guy to do.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Driving

If I made enough money I would hire a personal chofer driver, to take me everywhere. I don’t mind driving; I just don’t like the other people driving around me. Car manufactures are making it worse by adding more conveniences to cars. STOP MAKING GADJETS THAT DISTRACT PEOPLE! I appreciate the automatic windows, because it was annoying to crank a window up while it was raining, or when you went to a drive thru in 20 below weather and you couldn’t get the window up fast enough because it was so cold. The automatic locks are kind of cool, but is it really that hard to push or pull a little knob to lock or unlock the door. It is fun being a few yards away and being able to unlock a car; guys love anything that is remote control.

I can remember a time when I was excited because my radio had a digital display with programmable buttons. I could only dream of owning a tape player to go into the car. Now you can get anything to go into a car. Any type of music device, they even include a slot so you can plug in your computer or MP3 player and listen to all the music you own. You can have TVs and DVD players, so parents don’t have to talk to their kids ever. They just pick the kid up from in front of their TV (that is probably in the kid’s bedroom) and place them in front of the TV in the car. Because that would be horrible to spend that 15 to 20 minute drive to school or back home talking to their children asking them about their day or making sure they are learning anything. That was sarcasm if you didn’t notice.

No need to worry about getting lost anymore, now we have GPS. I’ll admit I love my GPS. It’s the one device that makes my life a little easier when I don’t know how to get to my destination. Map Quest was ok, but it was a little annoying trying to memorize the directions, or look at it quickly enough while driving. I normally tried to balance the papers on my steering wheel. Plus, Map Quest just got you in the vicinity; it rarely got you to the exact destination. I don’t know what we did before that, other than hope someone gave you good directions or hope the old dog that you were told look for didn’t move from the corner you were suppose to turn at. Does anyone even own an actual map anymore?

All these new devices, plus cell phones, in cars do the same thing; they make people take their eyes off the road. You add that to the women who don’t take the extra fifteen minutes (probably more) at home to put on their makeup and you end up with the 1 hour long traffic backup on your way to work. A few things will never change with cars. First, you will eventually get behind a 100 year old person who can’t see over the steering wheel and is going 20 MPH below the actual speed limit, making you risk your life to pass them. Second, maybe because car manufacturers were so busy adding all these extra toys in cars they forgot to add the basic necessity. Because, no matter how new the car is or how many fancy gadgets are in it, people still will not use their turn signal.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Sleepless night

Ever have one of those sleepless nights. You know the ones that you keep staring at the clock to see what time it is, then tell yourself if I fall asleep now I’ll at least get this many hours a sleep. Then more time goes by you check the clock again and you subtract another hour of sleep you don’t get. You do this horrible routine until your alarm goes off and you end up hitting the snooze button like twenty times. I had such an experience the other night. Now I’ll admit a lot of it was due to the fact that I had chocolate cake and root beer while watching TV that night, so I have no one to blame but myself. I kind of fell off the diet wagon this weekend.

When you can’t sleep at night a few things happen. One, you hear all the strange noises that happen at night. Maybe the sounds of the bugs and animals outside your window, the little creaks the house makes, and the sound of the toilet running because you forgot to wiggle the handle before going to bed. Another thing that may happen when you can’t sleep is your mind starts to wander. You think about your day at work, maybe the bills that need to be paid, or the fact that you are wide awake and your spouse next to you is sound asleep without a care in the world. That’s not fair, if you’re awake why should anyone get any sleep. So maybe you begin to sigh really loud or toss and turn really hard. Or my personal favorite, you just nudge the person really hard and say “Hey, I can’t sleep.”

Which brings me to my point, one of my hardest adjustments to being married was sharing a bed with somebody. Sure there is the obvious benefit of the marital bed. But it is still a hard adjustment. Growing up, I only had a twin bed until I was like 18 or 20. So it got to a point where I was a little big for the bed and if I rolled over too much I would fall out. So I had to create what I call the “Hop Turn.” It’s where you take your body while laying flat, do a small hop, and then turn over to the other side. It has become a habit for me in my sleep; a talent my wife has not come to appreciate. For the first two to three months I was too worried to wake my wife up, so I would lie as still as I could. Also, I wanted to make sure she had plenty of room, so I would curl up in a small ball at the very edge on my side of the bed. Now it’s a race to see who can get to the bed first and claim as much mattress real estate as possible. As far as lying still at night, it is every man and women for themselves. My poor wife has gotten slapped and kicked a few times because of my long arms and legs flopping around when I am sleeping, a few times I am not really sleeping though. So after nearly two years of marriage, I am getting used to sharing the bed. In fact I would miss her and couldn’t sleep if she wasn’t lying next to me. Now I just need to ignore that smacking sound the cat makes at night when he is cleaning himself and remember to shake the handle on the toilet before I go to bed. They don’t show that in the romance movies.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

You can't keep a good man down

In my 37 years (man that’s looks like a big number) on the earth, I’ve learned a few things. One is you can’t make everyone happy, followed by some people will always say its black even though it is white, and there are just some bad people in this world. The wife and I were victims of a small neighborhood crime. No one was hurt and nothing was stolen, but some damage was done. We are good Christian folk. Society may see that as weak. You know, being forgiving and loving thy neighbor. But, does that mean we should get walked over and push around. Yes, the good book teaches us to love all, but it also teaches us to stand up for ourselves and God. David and Goliath is a common story most everyone knows. Was David supposed to stand aside and let Goliath take over his city and most of all put down God. Was he supposed to fight Goliath with loving words and hugs, I don’t think so. Some may not realize that even Jesus teaches us a similar lesson. In Mathew 21, Jesus arrives into Jerusalem to find a WalMart in the temple. He overturns tables and chairs and drives all of the merchants out. So even though the Bible tells us to love those that are evil and hate us, it does not say not to stand up for yourself.

There is nothing we can do about it. You can’t live in a box hoping you will never get hurt and avoid all conflicts. Someone will eventually try and knock you down, and someone will eventually do it. But here’s another very important lesson that Jesus teaches. You may get knocked down, but you can always get back up. “You can’t keep a good man down.”

Mathew 28:6-7 “He is not here; for He is risen, as He said. Come, see the place
where the Lord lay. And go quickly and tell His Disciples that He is risen from
the dead, and indeed He is going before you into Galilee; there you will see
Him. Behold, I have told you.”

Monday, August 16, 2010

Stop goofing off and get back to work.

Computers have simplified, or were supposed to simplify the work office. I’ve been in the career of drafting for over 18 years. There was a time that I had to use a pencil, T-square and triangles to draw with. Now it’s all done on computers. Yes, it has made my life easier, but I’ll admit that I don’t know how much more productive I am. Because I can’t remember how I goofed off at work before computers. First of all, you know you try and position your monitor on your desk so no one can see what is on it but you, or that you have plenty of time to shrink the window before anyone can see it. Solitaire and Mine Sweep became a nice distraction when needing a few minutes for a break from my work. But, now with the social networks of Facebook and Twitter, you kind of wonder if any work is getting done at all anywhere. I mean if I could invest in cyber farms or just earn my money from the internet mafias I’d be a rich man. I know, not only did you move the monitor so no one can see it, but you think as long as you have your hand on the mouse and type something every once in a while it looks like you are working. There was a time that everyone gathered at the coffee pot or water cooler and talked about the latest TV show or office gossip. Now they just tweet each other all day or send text messages. So then why should I even need to go to an office at all? I can just post my work status on Facebook, update my boss on twitter, and communicate with my coworkers via e-mail or text. All along making sure my pig and crops are being taken care of, while not worrying if I'll be caught by my boss. Plus I can work in my sweat pants, favorite T-shirt and never have to shave. But, I would miss the monthly office birthday cake.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Change in Plans

Last night the wife and I decided to move the living room furniture around. Why? One, we thought it would give us more room. Two, what else is there to do on a Wednesday evening. At one point I didn’t know where the leg of the couch was and put it down on my bare feet, Ouch! It was a nice change, and it did make the room feel bigger. The interesting part was watching the cat. He didn’t know what to think about this change in his space. He went around sniffing everything and rubbing against it, you know doing the things cats do. After a while he got used to it, fell down and started to clean himself. I guess we had his approval.

Things happen in life that we never expect to happen. We go along thinking we have everything figured out, then WHAM! Something or someone decides to mess up your plans. This is not always a bad thing, depending on how you live your life. I never understood how some people have to live their life according to what others have or are doing. I guess it is that need to fit in, or seem cool. But styles and trends change all the time. Kids are about to learn this when the 1,000 Silly Bands they have cutting the circulation off on their arm will soon be out of style. Some changes are a little harder to except. Life can really mess up our plans. Things like divorce, alcohol, drugs and other addictions. Oh sure, Hollywood has really made some of these things look like normal society behavior, but how many people have said when I grow up I want to get a divorce or be addicted to drugs. But they happen all the time, to some of the best and nicest people around. Maybe not because they have done something wrong or even made bad choices. Life just decided to mess up their plans.

So maybe we should treat our lives like a living room. I got and placed my furniture in my house before I got married. I thought I put everything in the right place. Then we moved things around just to see what it looked liked. My wife discovered she had a launching pad from the hallway to the living room and decided to take a run and see how far she could slide down the hall. We also discovered we had more room to jump around and play our video games. Basically it wasn’t the furniture that made the living room better. It was who was in it. I don’t just mean my wife, but I saw how God can change our plans for the better if we fill that empty space with him. We will make a bad decision every now and then and life may get in the way. But, God always has a plan that is better for us.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord,
thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Monday, August 9, 2010

Back to school

The kids have gone back to school. I know this because traffic in the morning is a lot worse. Between the new teenage drivers thinking they are too cool to be on the same road as you and the moms who are driving like they are in a combat zone trying to dump there kids off at school on time and make it to work, it’s dangerous out there. My favorite part of going back to school was the shopping for the supplies. To this day I still like walking around an office supply store to check out the pens, pencils, folders, and paper. To me it was kind of like walking down the toy aisle. My least favorite part was the back to school clothes shopping. Not that it happened that often for me. I was the youngest of three, so that meant I got the hand me downs. I realize my parents were trying to save money, but my brother was four years older than me so by the time I was wearing his clothes they were out of style. Plus I’m still talking to my therapist because I had an older sister too. Just kidding my parents never went that far with the hand me downs (that I knew of.)

Going to school in the north is a little bit different than down here in the south. It is always funny to me when there is a threat of snow in the south and they start to shut down schools the night before and run out and buy up all the milk and bread. (I still don’t understand that last part.) But up north, I remember it snowing the night before; you get up in the morning, turn on the radio, and hoped they called out your schools name. The roads had to be covered in snow; I just don’t mean the light frosting they get in the south. I’m talking about get out the snow shovel to clear off the drive way and put the chains on the tires snow fall. If there was a chance the bus could get through, you were going to school.

I’ve been thinking about the kids today and what they are learning in school. I wont start on the whole politics and prayer debate, other than kids don’t stand a chance if we don’t pray for them. But with the age of text messaging how are these kids going to write their book reports and other papers? I don’t text often, mostly because I don’t understand them. For instance “Tomorrow” in the texting world is spelled “2mor” and you can combine three words like “let me know” into “lemeno.” I can just imagine some kid writing their paper freaking out because Microsoft Word is going nuts finding all these misspelled words it does not identify.

So here’s my back to school tip for parents. Buy your kids a Webster Dictionary and a belt for your boys. I’m really tired of their pants hanging half way down and seeing their underwear.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Reality TV

I have a little guilty pleasure I like to watch sometimes, Big Brother. About a bunch of people confined to a house, they play games, vote people out until there is one person left. That person wins the money. Reality shows have become more and more popular; they also have become more and more strange. You have different kinds of reality shows. In one group you have ones that are set up like a competition like Big Brother, The Bachelor, Amazing Race and of course American Idol. Then there are the shows that just follow people around. Some of these are old celebrities trying to revive their careers, and then some are people that think they should be famous like Jersey Shores and Real Housewives. Basically someone wanted to create some shows based off their favorite set of novels, the National Enquire. Recently one of the contestants on Big Brother used a term I never heard before, “showmance”. A romance that is on a TV show, there is nothing romantic about a “showmance”. Some of these people are going on these reality TV shows to meet people. It appears to me they just don’t want to meet someone, they want to be on some soft porn show. HEY REALITY PEOPLE, I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU MAKE OUT. Do you realize there may be a generation of people out there telling a story to their children on how they met their father and it involves going on a TV show. Now the parents will not be telling this story together, because you know these relationships don’t last after the camera is turned off, heck some don’t even last between commercials. I think we get involved in these shows because it satisfies our need to hear gossip and being peeping toms. I got sucked into one the other night, two girls arguing because one of them heard another girl kissing a guy in a different room. I didn’t understand why they were arguing, but I was enjoying watching the cat fight evolve in front of me.

This summer has been extremely hot. My wife decided she was going to spend the evening in the pool. I had just settle down and watching TV. When it dawned on me that I was sitting in the house alone and my wife was out side alone. So I turned off the TV and went outside to join my wife. We lost track of time talking and laughing. We went back inside and went through some bills, discussed how we were going to find time to do some of the projects that needed to get done around the house. In the background you could hear the cat hacking up a hair ball. Now that’s reality. Turn off the TV and get real.

Monday, August 2, 2010

move to the south.

When I was moving from the north to below the Mason-Dixon Line, I began to notice something as I was driving further south. The splats on my windshield were getting bigger and bigger. The bugs are huge down here compared to what we have in the north. A few times I thought I could see the look of terror on their face as they collided with my car. You could actually hear the bang as they made impact. There were a lot of differences I noticed right a way when I first arrived in the peach state. For one the weather; it was middle to late October when I got here and I loved it. But, the locals did look at me strange because I was walking around in shorts. I quickly discovered the language barrier when I went to the grocery store. This woman kept on offering me a 'buggy'. I didn't know what she was trying to sell me so I grabbed my 'shopping Cart' and walked away. The south drinks coke, the north asks for a pop. I quickly became a sweet tea fan. Why those Yankees haven't figured out to add the sugar while the tea is brewing, makes me wonder how they won they war in the first place.

On another note, last night I couldn't sleep. This happens often, and I have found if I read a little bit I'll be sleepy in about hour. So I ended up reading a book I got for Christmas. It's most of the Sunday comics of "B.C." by Johnny Hart. I do read more than just comics, but I enjoy learning how these guys got their start. Most of the time in the Sunday comics Johnny would create a Christian theme for B.C. I always thought this was awesome as well as a bold move to do. But what I found interesting was how he got to know the Lord. Johnny had it all at one point in his life. A successful comic and a family, but he still felt empty. He wanted a satellite installed for his studio. The father and son team who installed it used a Christian station to test the TVs picture. Johnny at first did not like this, but soon became very interested in what the guy on TV had to say. He then began going to church with his wife and found God. He wanted others to know about how God can fill the emptiness for other people and decided to use B.C. to let people know. The part I found interesting in all this were the father and son team. Did they use that channel on purpose? Did they know that Johnny needed God in his life? We never know what the path is that the Lord has us on; we just have to know that he is in control of the direction. Much like when I first came to Georgia as a lost single guy, it was only going to be for a year. 13 years later, still enjoying my sweet tea, married to a wonderful woman, and enjoying serving God wherever his path may lead me.
Proverbs 3:6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.