Friday, March 9, 2012


Day 5

We were finally getting into vacation mode and relaxing and enjoying ourselves. It was time for my wife to have some real fun. It would be a day of shopping. Our port today was Cozumel. We were a little worried because the night before we heard from our dinner guest that were military, that to be careful if you wander from the port it is kind of a dangerous place. Just great, my mother and I have an ongoing joke that she is worried that I would be kid napped by Mexicans one day. Why I don’t know, but I would never hear the end of it if it ever came true. In fact if it did, I would ask for them not to pay for the ransom so I would not have to hear the, “I told you so”, from my mother.

So we go off the boat very excited to see things we normally would not see back home. To our surprise when you get off the boat in order to get into Cozumel, you have to walk through a liquor store first. Plus it was a gift shop, but it was basically the same type of store you would see at a mall. So we pushed our way through and finally made it to Cozumel.  It was a very neat set up. Little stores all over the place, and I was on a mission.

The day before when we were at Cayman Islands, my head was hot and sweaty because the hat I brought along was a thick material. It’s not a pretty thing to see a bald man sweat and constantly having to wipe his head off so the beads of salty moisture do not roll into the eyes. So I was looking for a new hat, bald men must wear hats in the sun or they end up walking around looking like they have a tomato for a head. My wife was with me hoping I would just pick out a normal, lighter weight ball cap. But I had something different in mind. How often does a person get to shop on foreign land? I wanted what the natives would normally wear. A straw cowboy hat, you would think this would be easy to find since this was local apparel. But they were not a lot to choose from. They were either way too expensive, I could buy the same thing at the same price at the local store down the street from my home. Or, they never looked right. I would either look like the social reject from Mayberry or one those people in the funny photos that you e-mail to all your friends. Normally I would not care, but I was walking around with my wife and I did not want to be an embarrassment to her. I know too late for that.

Then I glanced in this little gift store and there it was, a straw hat with a bandana wrapped around it. It looked perfect, and the price. $4.00! I was so happy. I wore that hat proudly like I had just won a prize. It was perfect; light weight and little gaps that let the wind blow through. Plus, it had a nice rim that kept shade on me. My wife was so pleased that I was happy and didn’t have to hear me complain for the rest of the trip on how hot I was. She was a little embarrassed by the hat, because it did stand out in the crowd. But I got my validation later on in the day when some guy taps me on the shoulder. I turned around and he points at his head and says, “You inspired me.” It was kind of a Jerry Maguire moment when he says “You complete me.” He was wearing the same hat. That’s right I’m a trend setter.

So after we got done shopping we decided we might explore a little outside the port area. We stepped out of the gated area; looked to the left, looked to right, looked at each other and decided we were both chicken. It did not look like the glamorous scenery that you see on TV and movies. We remember what our military friends said to us the night before and decided to just go back to the ship and relax.

Later that evening we caught a comedy show. It was ok. I think it was Bill Cosby that said that if you have to cuss to be funny, then you are not funny and you are lazy. I never understood why the F-bomb is a funny word and how it worked its way into our language. Oh well, we had a fun day and I got a hat that I can’t wait till this summer to wear around. Check out what we ate that day at www.gabbin-bout-grub.blogspot.com

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Day 4 out at sea


Day 4 of the cruise.
You know the saying, now I've seen it all. Well on this particular day I almost saw all of it, more on that later. This was our first day going to a port; we were going to Cayman Island. We were excited that morning and headed to the diner for breakfast. It was a calm breakfast as we sat with other travelers. We discussed what we were doing that day. The majority of us were going to swim with the sting rays, but there was an older couple at the table. Seems that they did cruises frequently, and they had seen most of the island. So the wife let her husband decide what they were going to do. He excitedly said they were going to a car museum. The wife trying to hold back her tears as she shook her head in disbelief that her husband for who knows how many years, signed them up to go to a car museum while they were on a beautiful island. The high point for him was that they had the Bat mobile. I admit part of me wanted to go check it out. But, I think you have to married more than three years to get away with something like that.
So off we went to start our adventure, we toured the island shops for a while. It was very hot that day, so it was taking a lot out of me walking around. So we decided to go to the area we were supposed to meet our tour guide. But apparently we were getting a show with our tour. I was standing there talking to my wife, when a look of shock came over her face. I turned around to see what was behind me and I saw a guy standing there in his tighty whites. It seems he thought the best place to change into his bathing suit was right there in the middle of the island for everyone to see. I was just praying please stop at the underwear, please. He did, but it still made me wonder where this guy was from, that he thought that this was an ok thing to do. I sat next to him on the bus ride, fearing that he might decide to change his close again; I tried to keep space between us. Then he began to speak to his wife in some strange language that I could not identify. I imaged he must come from some foreign land where people just casually walk around in their underwear. Or he was from California.
So we get to the boat dock to get on the boats that were going to take us where the sting rays were. All this time I’m thinking, I’m going to get stung in the chest like that alligator guy and die or I’m not going to be able to swim away fast enough from something that might try to eat me. To my surprise it was nothing like that. First of all, this was a big tourist attraction; boats were everywhere, people all over the place splashing and having a good time. The water was like looking through a window it was so clear. It was only about 5 feet deep, so my fear of trying to swim away from something was gone, I figured I could out run anything.
So we go in the water. Here’s a tip when swimming in the ocean or gulf; keep your mouth shut. Did you know that ocean water had salt in it? Duh. I jumped in like I would in my pool at home and got a big mouth full of pure ocean salt water. I got done gaging just in time to see a sting ray the size of Rhode Island swim by me. Our tour guide dives after this beast that looked like it once battle Godzilla and brings it above water in his arms. He began to pet it and kiss it, and I’m thinking this guy is nuts. Then he started to tell us how friendly sting rays are and how their stinger is just this little tiny stub on their tales and they only use it when they feel threatened. So he asked who wanted to kiss her and get a massage from her. I’m thinking this is no longer a family friendly tour. But I gave it a try. All you had to do was hold your arms out in front of you and make a hoop, and they swim right up to you. I planted a big kiss on that sting ray. I was shocked that my wife also did as well. Then the tour guide placed the sting ray on your back and it began to move around to give the best massages ever. I wanted to take one home for a pet by the end of the trip, but my wife informed that it probably would not survive very well in our pool.
Then we were off to do some snorkeling. That was fun, but the ocean was rough. So most of the time when I had my face in the water and my snorkel was pointing out, a big wave would come by splash on top of me, forcing that wonderful salt water down my snorkel. It was like sticking a straw in ocean and just sucking in and having it go straight down my throat. But, you know the movie about the fish “Finding Nemo”. I found him. He swam right passed me. I was a little disappointed that he wasn’t singing and I didn’t have anything on me for him to autograph. It was cool to see all the sea life so clearly. Then one of the other people on the boat was shocked when they turned around and a sting ray was right there. It seemed one of them had followed us. His name was Frisbee. It was a string ray that had lost his tail. What an original name. I wonder if he got picked on by the other sting rays, poor guy.
We started to head back to shore. When one of the tour guides just jumps off the boat and goes straight to the bottom of the ocean, he was like Aqua-man. He came back up with this huge conch shell. He brings it on the boat and rips the meat out of it and asked who wanted a piece. My wife gives me this look like don’t you dare, but of course I did. It was good, it tasted like sushi. He said it was an aphrodisiac. I grabbed a handful more. Hey, we are on vacation, might as well make the most of it. My wife has always wanted a conch shell for the house. So Aqua-man jumps off the boat and must have talked to some of his fish friends, because within minutes he was coming back up with a huge conch shell.
Here’s the thing about conch shells. They do not come out of the ocean looking all shiny and pretty. They are covered in sea moss and dirt and look like they come from the waste dump of the ocean. So the head tour guide gave us instructions on how to clean it. Then he did one of the coolest thing I ever seen. He opened the sails on the boat. It was awesome watching them get caught up in the wind. He turned off the motor and we spent the rest of the afternoon sailing to shore. It was a great ending to a fun day. Then we started to walk back to the ship. We could not identify this horrible smell that seemed to be following us around. Then the thought popped into my head that we were carrying this thing that looked like it came out of someone’s septic tank. That conch shell was putting off this extreme odor. My wife could not imagine having this thing with us for the remainder of the cruise in our tiny cabin and plus the drive home. So we just placed it on this empty chair we saw and left our souvenir behind. Oh well it was still a great day. Plus we learned a few things. One, sting rays are like dogs, they are man’s best friends. Two, I’ll eat anything that comes out of something that smells and looks like it came from Aqua-man’s bathroom. Find out what else I ate on the cruise at www.gabbin-bout-grub.blogspot.com

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Day 3


Life is finally getting back to normal so I am able to get back into the routine of doing these blogs, so back to the story of our 7 day adventure on the sea... 

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. It was the first full day on the boat. We woke up and conquered the breakfast buffet. More on that at www.gabbin-bout-grub.blogspot.com. After breakfast we put on our bathing suits and were off to find a quiet spot by the pool. What were we thinking, thousands of people on the boat and we thought we were going to find our own nice quiet spot... Yeah right. The first placed we tried was the Serenity Deck. This was a so called area where kids were not allowed. What we did not know that only meant little kids; the bigger kids just drank a lot and made even more noise than the little kids did. So the whole purpose of this area was for the parents not to drink and act like idiots around their kids. After we sat there for about five minutes and discovered that we were getting drunk of the other passengers breath we decided to find another area.

We ventured off to the upper deck and found a nice spot where there were very few people were sitting. After about 10 minutes more people started to gather around us, no problem, don't make eye contact with wild animals and they will leave you alone. My wife sat next to a nice young couple, who actually seemed normal. I think they were happy to find other civilians on the boat that could pass a sobriety test. They were far enough away that I did not have to engage in the conversation too much, so I just read the book I brought along. Then IT sat next to me. This old lady wearing a bathing suit that did not cover enough and what was exposed gave up the fight against gravity about 25 years ago. I just told myself over and over again. Don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact. I could feel her lazy eye trying to stare a whole in the back of head, hoping to start a conversation. But I was saved, someone sat to the other side of her. So she twisted and flopped her skin the opposite direction and began to chat with her victim. I was trying not to listen in, but I couldn't resist. All she talked about was how many cruises she had been on and where she had been. Then she announced that it was time for a hot dog break. She asked her new friend if they would like one, he said no he didn't want to spend the extra money. She laughed and said “Sweety it's all you can eat, it's free.” I kind of chuckled as well and thought that I missed out on an opportunity for someone to go get me a hotdog. Then she returned while swallowing the hotdog whole. Out of nowhere another hot dog appeared, I had no idea and did not want to know where she was hiding it. There was no way that bathing suit had pockets. I just went back to my book and tried to put the image out of my mind.

We then went to the other side of the boat. The sun was moving and we were trying to find some shade. So we found another nice little spot where no one was at. But again, people found their way toward us. I was beginning to think that people would see us and say “Hey those two look like they are trying to relax, let’s sit by them and annoy the heck out of them.” First it was some older people who did not like the way the chairs were situated and had to do an episode of HGTV and take a ½ an hour rearranging them. When they finally got them the way they wanted, they got up and walked away. I've never shot a gun before, but if I had one they would be the first people I try it on. We finally had a few moments to relax when they started a hairy chest contest on the deck below. I'm not bragging, but I would put some animals in the zoo to shame with my chest hair. So we thought we would get a good laugh and watch some guys make a fool out of themselves, right at that point these little brats decided that the best place to watch was right in front of us. I mean one of the kids was practically standing on my chair. I was holding back from taking the little punk and tossing him overboard. I had convinced myself that I would be making the future a better place by getting rid of one brat, and any kid who acted like this I would get a thank you from his parents. But, I resisted and the kids finally moved on. We spent the rest of the day moving around the boat, looking for solitude. The evening did end up great when we found a big lounge chair for two and watched the sun set. Over all it was a good day.

Please read more about our adventure and the food we ate on the boat at www.gabbin-bout-grub.blogspot.com