Attack of the Armadillo

I was attacked by an armadillo! That’s right, it something you don’t hear often, but it actually occurred. Of all creatures of the night, I stood face to face with the horrible armadillo. Sure in the cartoons they are cute woodland animals, but when you see one, they are the devil’s pets.

I had been going to work early in the morning, the sun not even up. The last few days have been peaceful. I get the office to myself, no phone calls, and no interruptions while I work. So I had been looking forward to being productive that morning. I pulled into the parking lot and my headlights hit the gnarly beast blocking my way to the office door. At first I thought it was an opossum, the distance cousin. Opossums are harmless; we used to have one growing up. It would come up on the porch and eat the cat’s food. We flick on the porch light, it would look up at us and nod its head like it was saying ‘Was up’ and go on its way. When I took a second glance and saw its rigid covering and pointy schnozzle, I drove to the other side of the parking lot to study the creature from a far. He looked like he was eating on his latest prey. I don’t know what prey to the mighty armadillo is, but I didn’t want to be next.

I drove around to its back side, hoping to go unnoticed I turned off my head lights. When I got close enough I hit him with my bright lights and laid down on my horn hoping to shock the hard shell rodent. Nope, he just looked up at me with his beady little eyes and continued to devour his victim. I put my car in reverse and drove to a parking spot to think of my next attack. He sat there in front of the entrance taunting me. So I did what any man would do in that situation, I called my wife. There was no time for small talk, I just blurted out, “Are armadillos dangerous?”

“What are you talking about?” she said confused.

“There is an armadillo blocking my way into the office and I don’t want to walk up to it if it is going to attack me.” I said with a little fear in my voice.

“I have no idea if they are dangerous or not, I can look it up on the internet.” My caring wife said while trying not to laugh at me. “Do you want to start carrying my pepper spray?”

“That’s ok; I think I see it walking into the bushes.” I said with a little relief.

So I go to the office door with my key ready to unlock it knowing that the monster was lurking in the bushes waiting to pounce on me. I quickly unlocked the door like a frightened kid in a horror movie. I get into the building knowing that the armadillo ran past me when I opened the door. I looked around and was satisfied that I was safe. I’m waiting for the sun to come up before I come into work early again.

Holy Man Cave, Bat Man!

My wife and I have been talking about our dream house since we have been married. Our little three bedroom house just isn’t big enough for us. It was fine when I was living as a bachelor. But, when I got married, I found all my stuff was either being thrown out or sold. What little I do have left is crammed in a corner in a spare room we set up for an office. I also have a small area in the garage I’m allowed to make use of when the cars are not parked in there, which is 95% of the time. So part of my dream house is to have a nice big room I can call my own, aka The Man Cave.

I could not really decide if I would prefer a nice bonus room above a garage that would let in some natural light and have access to the rest of the house. Or a basement with lots of room to spread out and have different functional areas like; a work-out area (yeah right), office area, and a pool table of course. The decision was easy after visiting some friends of ours and saw their finished basement. It was like having another whole house. Then I thought to myself, of course Bat Man.

Bat Man is a favorite to every guy. Why? Not because his alter ego Bruce Wayne has millions of dollars, not because he gets to go on cool adventures and fight crime, and definitely not because he hangs out with other guys wearing tights. It’s because he has the Bat Cave. Every guy at one point or another thought it would be cool to have an underground hideout to get away from the world; hanging out in a cool cavern, surrounded by high tech gadgets, and a sports car (the Bat Mobile) in the background that the chicks dig. The Bat Cave is what made Bat Man a super hero favorite.

So a basement is what I want as part of my dream house, a Man Cave.  It will be a place that I can hang out in solitude and veg out from the stress of the world. My high tech gadgets would be my computer, video games and guitars. I may not have the cool sports car, but that’s what posters are for. That’s right a place that I can hang a picture of Snoopy next to a picture of the Three Stooges. No flowers allowed. If I want to sit around in a cape and tights that might be a plus, but I would have the privacy to do so if I wanted. I will allow my wife to come down in the basement once in a while, after all even Bat Man had Alfred his butler.